When you were a kid do you remember writing that first essay of the school year, always called “What I did this summer?” I do. I actually have a bad memory of one of those essays. I don’t remember what grade I was in - old enough to write a full page - so 3rd? 4th? 5th? 6th? Anyway, I wrote about this camping trip my mom and my 3 sisters and my aunt took where we towed a camper all over the Southeast. We visited my great-grandma in Louisiana, who had hurt her back lifting railroad ties at age 88, and we had to pee in jars at night because my mom was too freaked out to walk us to the bathrooms in whatever random campground we stayed in. And once, in Kentucky or Tennessee, my mom took a wrong turn and ended up having to back the car and trailer up about half a mile on a one-way trail that the people who serviced electrical substations usually used, and on either side were 20 feet drop-offs. My mom screamed the whole way.
I remember this essay so well because the next day I got it back with the note, in red: Adrienne, be more truthful in your writing next time.
Grr.
Anyway, if I was to write an essay about what my son, Little J., did this summer it would include a whole lot of summer camp (this work-at-home homeschooling mama *really* needed a break), trips to the mountains and to the ocean, and a mess of free time. All very good things. In the course of the summer I discovered some really interesting things about my kid, camp, camp counselors, and free time.
1. Little J. crashed and burned in school. Sitting down and shutting up (his principal’s words, not mine) were impossible. Being faced with daily failure in academics was demeaning and made him angry. And having all the kids in his class think he was a loser was no fun at all.
2. Little J. does great in camp. A certain kind of camp. The kind that is nice and loose and is outside and teaching you hands-on activities, like making stuff out of clay or fishing or how to make a birdhouse. The kind of camp where, if you choose not to participate you are not called out, but instead allowed to go dig a hole if that’s what floats your boat.
3. The counselors/adults/young people who did the BEST with Little J. are those who know only enough about him to know that there *may* be social skills difficulties or that certain battles should be picked wisely, but who don’t know so much ahead of time that they allow him to act his worst instead of expecting that he is going to behave like all the other kids with occasional outbursts. On the eve of one of his camps I felt compelled to send the head counselor this long letter explaining the situation with Littls J - much like I’d send a teacher - and it ended up backfiring completely. By the end of the week my child had been “accommodated” so much that he was allowed to spend the whole camp day lying under a sink, yelling out whatever rude things he wanted to yell out, all in the name of giving him a “safe place” to chill out. I’m all for chilling out, but the fact was that my kiddo needed boundaries - including ones like “get off the floor” and “quit screaming swears at all the other small children.” Oy.
So, I don't know. It could have been *that* counselor, or *that* camp, or *that* particular week, but I'm guessing at least part of it was the long explanation of my child that influenced the situation. From now on I'm going to keep it on a need-to-know basis. Little J. is of the age and the maturity that he can mostly keep it together for the length of a camp day, and I should probably chill out about it a little bit. Or at least wait until they contact me first. (I guess this is residual PTSD from him being in school).
4. Free time is very, very good. Free time in the summer with big brother around meant lots of Wii and TV. Free time with lots of Wii and TV is very bad. Makes Little J sassy, like he’s on iCarly, and also lulls him into this weird state of numbness that is hard to pull him out of. Consequently, when homeschooling starts in earnest there will be NO TV or Wii (except for “edunacational” shows) for either boy, Monday - Thursday. We decided as a group. Well, I decided. They agreed.
So, how about you? What did you do on your summer vacation? Did you learn anything about your kid? Camp? Free time?
(image courtesy of flickr user stevendepolo)