I have a pair of rain boots and snow boots. They are both soaking wet. There is a skateboard in the living room. The snow fort in the front of the house is covered in scrap metal pilfered from the neighbor's trash. Leftovers from a sandwich litter the table and counters in the kitchen. The toilet is unflushed in two bathrooms. This is just one hour in a long Sunday. Deep breath here. Inhale and exhale. What is really important in this scene? How I handle my child and his nonstop movement and activity, none of which includes cleaning up after himself. Ever.
When my little boy was younger, I had no problem cleaning up after him. I resorted toys, organized his room, and put away clothing. But now he is twelve. He needs to be responsible for his actions and messes. Which are numerous. He is still super busy and active and everywhere on the premises. I no longer have baby gates to confine his movements which I had plenty of in the past!
Builder is also my same size in jackets and can squish into my shoes. If he can't find his stuff, he grabs mine. He is like a bad college roommate who always uses your stuff and never returns it in working order. I am just happy he will keep growing, ideally.
I also hope he will keep growing emotionally, socially, and responsibly. There is a tremendous burden upon my husband and I right now, much more than with our other son who is tracking at this point on target for adulthood now.
My younger son asked the other day why are the expectations different for him than his brother? Why does he have to do more chores more often than his brother? Why is it in his mind unfair?
I told my younger son, Bounce, immediately. Because it is different, you and your brother are different, I asked my son how many diagnoses did he have? How many medications did he take? Or how many visits to doctors did he go on? I still need reminders that my two boys equally need patience and guidance. In order to have enough for both boys, I recommend a few strategies I utilize. Often.
1. Stating the word, "Namaste", I learned this from a friend who has three kids and a three year old. She repeats this word as needed while dealing directly with said three old whining, crying, and spooling out of control. She however stays zen like. Namaste is yoga speak for stay calm. Impressive. I now use this word when encountering numerous messes in numerous minutes. "Namaste" Exhale.
2. Steal a page from your child's playbook. So much fun to say "Why should I?" or "I Know..." When timed just right, you will actually glimpse a smile from your child, because they realize you are clever and respect you for it; or they appreciate the irony, a new word they just learned in Reading. Either way, you rule, for about ten seconds.
3. Exit stage left. I did act in high school, but I think I learned this move from Fozzie Bear from the Muppets. He would say this when encountering a situation he didn't really want to deal with at the moment. I love this and use it often; most of the time omitting the words, and just simply disappearing where my sons can't find me in spite of looking all over.
The boots will dry, I took a picture of the "cool looking" snow fort, and I flushed some toilets. I also repeated "Namaste" repeatedly and I chose to exit stage left occaisionally, I also tried to never say "I Know that" or "Why should I"; because I can adjust expectations and attitude, usually.