I almost quit.
But I’m glad I didn't.
Gavin finished his breakfast I said, “Ok buddy, you’re my helper this morning. We have to get Kate to school and be back to get the bus.” Gavin flipped out instantly, tears pouring out of those big green eyes. He cried for 1 ½ hours in fear of missing the bus.
I assured him time and time again that we would have plenty of time to drop off Kate and be back in time for the bus but it was no use, he felt out of control and there was no way to make it go away. While I was remaining extremely calm the whole hour and a half (in the past, I would have flipped out too), I was trying to figure out a way to make it work so he didn't have to come with me, so he didn’t have to feel this way. There wasn't a solution and I knew it. We had to make this work.
I was grateful that he was able to communicate to me that he was upset. He thought he was going to miss the bus (that was HUGE for him to express that). I told him to trust me, that we would be back in time to get his bus --he just couldn't grasp it. He continued crying and pleading with me while we all got dressed, ate breakfast, packed lunches, etc. We dropped Kate off successfully and had ample time to get back to the bus stop. He calmed down during the car ride there.
But if I had caved in or flipped out on him, I knew he wouldn't be able to see that HE COULD DO IT! That WE COULD DO IT! We discussed that, like we always do, but I was much calmer than I had been in the past, more understanding, more accepting and I knew that this was difficult for him. Off he went on the bus and I went off to work.
While tucking him in to bed that night I said, "Gavin, I know that was hard for you this morning to have that change in routine."
He said, "I'm proud of me Mommy...I did it."
So...a very bad morning for him turned into a learning experience that I don't think would have happened if I didn't have the patience I needed to accept his differences, ADHD and Anxiety.
Acceptance is not easy. In fact, I thought I accepted his diagnosis a long time ago. I did, but not until recently did I truly accept his differences. A year has passed since his diagnosis and I have read anything and everything about ADHD. And would you believe that I didn’t fully “get it” until I watched the show “Parenthood” last week when the Braverman’s told their son he had Aspergers? Something resonated with me while watching that show. When Max flipped out on the roller coaster (huh…irony) I realized his reaction was not in his control. I always had empathy for my son, and for children and families in my own classroom, but I was accepting the diagnosis and not his differences in the way he is able to self-regulate his behavior at the age of 7. While I was preaching to everyone about how he reacts to certain situations and why and what they could do to help him, I personally was not practicing what I preached.
But today, one year and five days later, I have accepted that my son has ADHD. He has a different way of seeing, feeling and touching what life throws at him. And in the end, he needs to feel my love, my acceptance.