Dee Boling, visit Dee on her blog, The Argonne Chronicles.
ADHD child(ren):
Dylan, age 9, third grade
Dylan, age 9, third grade
NON-ADHD child(ren):
none
none
Who are you?
I am a working mom. Married, although there has been a lot of stress in our marriage in the past year. I had a good, very free-range kind of childhood. I excelled at school, even though I would say my family's expectations weren't especially high. I mostly did homework and schoolwork all on my own ambition. I shocked my entire family by declaring in first grade that I would go to college -- no one in my family had ever done that. That said, I was an only child not just in the immediate family of my single mother, but also the only grandchild and the only niece of my mother's brother and sister. So attention was lavished on me.
Describe your ADHD child using only ONE word: imaginative
What about your life makes your ADHD story uniquely yours?
If I were just dealing with Dylan's ADHD with the full support and cooperation of my husband, I'd feel at least reasonably able to manage it. But I firmly believe my husband has undiagnosed ADHD. He has had numerous jobs throughout the 12 years we have been together, and has been fired more than once. He is currently trying to live out his dream to be in a successful band...but it's somewhat at our expense. It's making Dylan's ADHD harder to handle because his dad is not physically here some of the time and not emotionally here a lot of the time. Counseling, tutoring, and other interventions all cost money and now that we need it, he's underemployed and living his dream.
How did your ADHD child come to be diagnosed?
Looking back, I can see that there were signs for quite some time. I could even say that it went as far back as when he was born -- he was 2 weeks late and still we had to induce and finally "go get him" by Caesarean section. So it was obvious he was not in a hurry from day one!
In Kindergarten, he didn't read as proficiently as they would have liked, but reading is not necessarily an appropriate developmental milestone for kindergarten so I didn't worry. In first grade, a teacher suggested a 504 Plan, but didn't think he had attention deficit disorder. In second grade, a teacher strongly insisted he get a 504 Plan, but it was all done with no input from us, so I still didn't get it. He struggled that year, though, but no one would come out and suggest AD/HD. We finally took him to be evaluated last summer. Leading up to the evaluation, Dylan was very oppositional and we knew we had to do something. So it was not a surprise and we were sort of relieved to have a potential resolution with medication.
In Kindergarten, he didn't read as proficiently as they would have liked, but reading is not necessarily an appropriate developmental milestone for kindergarten so I didn't worry. In first grade, a teacher suggested a 504 Plan, but didn't think he had attention deficit disorder. In second grade, a teacher strongly insisted he get a 504 Plan, but it was all done with no input from us, so I still didn't get it. He struggled that year, though, but no one would come out and suggest AD/HD. We finally took him to be evaluated last summer. Leading up to the evaluation, Dylan was very oppositional and we knew we had to do something. So it was not a surprise and we were sort of relieved to have a potential resolution with medication.
What are your ADHD child’s strengths/gifts/talents? Weaknesses? Obsessions?
Dylan's gift is his incredible imagination. I firmly believe he will use this to his benefit one day. He is also blessed to love school despite the fact that his grades do not reflect his imagination and intelligence. His weakness is his distractability and lack of focus. He can't seem to retain the right information and spit it out on a test in a reasonable amount of time even with accommodations. I can't say he is obsessed, but he loves space, cub scouting, and science.
What sports or extra-curricular activities does your child participate in successfully?
Dylan is in cub scouts and loves it. I became a den leader to ensure that he (and the other boys) got a reasonable amount out of it. He used to take swimming, which he enjoyed but his progress was up and down. We can't afford it right now. He is in the chorus at school, which he loves, and started band at the beginning of the year. He recently announced that he wants to progress to the honor band.
What strategies do you employ to cope with ADHD?
Dealing with both Dylan and my husband was too much, so I started therapy last fall myself. It's okay. Reading the ADHD Mommas blog is very, very helpful, as is the ADHD yahoogroup I belong to. I also started my own blog, which is a private yet open kind of therapy.
I try to focus on Dylan's strengths while remembering this, too, shall pass. And I try to keep my own interests going. A glass of wine now and then doesn't hurt either!
I try to focus on Dylan's strengths while remembering this, too, shall pass. And I try to keep my own interests going. A glass of wine now and then doesn't hurt either!
If you could give one piece of advice to a parent of an ADHD child just diagnosed, what would it be?
Find a supportive online community! You can't complain to non-ADHD parents all the time. You need folks who understand what you are going through. Also, work with your school.
If you could have a free 60-second spot on a public broadcast station, what would you share, show, say?
ADHD is not just hyperactive kids bouncing off the walls. It's kids who can't finish a test. Kids who seem totally normal when you talk to them. Kids with unbelievable imaginations. Kids who try so hard but don't get the results others do. Medication is not the best or only solution, but sometimes it's necessary and it is NOT helpful to put someone down for trying it with their child. No parent wants their kid to be medicated. But they do want the best for their child and sometimes the best is a compromise.
Does your child take medication to manage their ADHD? Is so, what medication and at what dosage? How does it work for them? What side effects do you see?
Dylan is on Daytrana 20mg, and it seems to work well to me, but school feels differently. We have also tried the capsule form of the same medicine, but we are working with Dylan to swallow it (currently in ice cream!). Both take away his middle-of-the-day appetite and make falling asleep difficult, necessitating another pill (melatonin).
Does your child attend public school or a special school? Does he or she have an IEP or a 504 Plan? What kind of accommodations do they receive?
Dylan is in a public school, what is supposed to be our neighborhood school. It is temporarily located in another neighborhood while his school is rebuilt as a result of Katrina. He is in the French immersion program at the school. I worry that makes his learning harder, but I really don't think it has a huge impact. His struggles have included classes in English. Plus the French Immersion class has only 14 kids in it, which is hugely beneficial for him.
Dylan's 504 Plan gives him extra time on tests, and tests can be read to him by the teacher. He gets preferred seating. His current teacher, a young man from France, has gone above and beyond and I feel blessed, especially since I don't think he anticipated this! He also knew virtually nothing about ADHD when he came here. I worry about his class next year -- the teacher *seems* a lot more rigid and I hope I am pleasantly surprised.
Dylan's 504 Plan gives him extra time on tests, and tests can be read to him by the teacher. He gets preferred seating. His current teacher, a young man from France, has gone above and beyond and I feel blessed, especially since I don't think he anticipated this! He also knew virtually nothing about ADHD when he came here. I worry about his class next year -- the teacher *seems* a lot more rigid and I hope I am pleasantly surprised.
What else would you like to share with other parents on this similar journey?
I try to remember that kids have had ADHD for many many years. You hear the horror stories, but not the success stories. Horror sells more newspapers. Give lots of love, try to give lots of patience. We can only hope for the best.
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