an interview with:
Georgia Frasch
ADHD child(ren):
Christian, aged 6.5, 1st grade
Christian, aged 6.5, 1st grade
NON-ADHD child(ren):
Honor Elizabeth (Christian's twin), aged 6.5, 1st grade
Honor Elizabeth (Christian's twin), aged 6.5, 1st grade
Gracie Bea, 4, nursery school
Who are you?
I am a SAHM (stay-at-home-mm), happily married for eight years. My childhood was stressful -- my parents were very unhappily married and my siblings and I mostly 'parented' them. But, still, we were very, very loved by our parents and large extended family.
Describe your ADHD child using only ONE word: charming
What about your life makes your ADHD story uniquely yours?
I am not sure that our story is unique. My husband has ADD and his 35 year-old son has ADD. Both have had a rough time with the education process but have gone on to overcome their challenges and be very successful, creative people.
How did your ADHD child come to be diagnosed?
I know it is a cliche to say, but I knew very soon after our son was born that he was "different." He is a twin and, while his sister would settle and could be calmed, he was always discomfited. I was ashamed to tell anyone that when he would wake up in the morning, even as an infant, my heart would sink because I knew that the stress would be resumed. We sought help from a Psychiatrist by the time he was two and stayed with some kind of mental health care provider until he was finally diagnosed at age five.
What are your ADHD child’s strengths/gifts/talents? Weaknesses? Obsessions?
Christian is very creative, extremely loving, charming and funny. He truly exemplifies the ADHD profile of people who think "out of the box." When his impulsivity doesn't get in the way, he can be very caring, gentle and empathic.
On the other hand, he is very disruptive. He hasn't yet learned to manage his frustration which erupts into anger. He has poor spatial sensitivity so he is forever banging into someone or something. He also goes through periods of OCD-type of behavior -- obsessed with hand washing, urinating, sensitivity to clothes, etc. Raising him is a challenge every, single day.
On the other hand, he is very disruptive. He hasn't yet learned to manage his frustration which erupts into anger. He has poor spatial sensitivity so he is forever banging into someone or something. He also goes through periods of OCD-type of behavior -- obsessed with hand washing, urinating, sensitivity to clothes, etc. Raising him is a challenge every, single day.
What sports or extra-curricular activities does your child participate in successfully?
We have encouraged Christian to play sports, which he loves. The physical aspect of the activity is the healthiest thing for him. He is oftentimes not successful in school so we search for areas which he can feel good about mastering. In the Spring, he plays soccer, t-ball, swims and takes tennis. In the winter, he skis and ice skates. None of them very well because the learning aspect of everything is a big struggle for him, but he plods on regardless and, most importantly, has fun and feels good about what he has accomplished.
What strategies do you employ to cope with ADHD?
Probably not the right ones since I am always stressed. Sometimes, I just hide in the bathroom and scream. I do try to over-praise the positive, try to remember when he whacks one of his sisters that his impulsivity is "talking," try to always distinguish the line between what is bad and correctable behavior to what he really can't help (this is probably the hardest). I am very, very involved in his school and support team. Lately, I have been understanding the need to get out of the house for a few hours a week, by myself (not just to grocery shop), and that has helped relieve the stress.
If you could give one piece of advice to a parent of an ADHD child just diagnosed, what would it be?
I oftentimes forget, when the house is in chaos and my son is the tiny tornado in the midst of it, that deep down he's as unhappy as we are. I would suggest to parents of ADHD children to be a very strong advocate for your child at school. It is truly the "squeaky wheel that gets the grease." Be involved with your child's life. I remember a doctor once telling us that our son will have a lot of arrows thrown at him in his lifetime and we needed to be sure that he always felt safe and secure with us, to find something he could master and be proud of since school would always prove to be a challenge and to make sure he knows that he is unconditionally loved and accepted by you.
If you could have a free 60-second spot on a public broadcast station, what would you share, show, say?
Before our son was diagnosed, I flippantly thought ADD/ADHD was an overused diagnosis by a lot of parents who needed to explain away their child's spaciness or bad behavior. Oh how I was wrong! I would like the public to have a better understanding of this. ADHD can be so very debilitating for a child, a family and for a marriage. Also show the flip side, that ADHD does not preclude a child from being creative, inventive, loving and enthusiastic.
Does your child take medication to manage their ADHD? Is so, what medication and at what dosage? How does it work for them? What side effects do you see?
Christian currently takes 18 mg of Strattera in the morning and is given a 10 mg dosage at school after lunch. We have seen no side effects and, although it does not seem to really address his impulsivity, he is better focused and engaged in his school work. He was on Adderal when he was five and that was a nightmare... not sleeping, not eating and irritable and miserable for 16 hours a day. He may have just been too young at the time but his presentation was such that we knew he would not get through Kindergarten without some kind of pharmaceutical intervention.
Does your child attend public school or a special school? Does he or she have an IEP or a 504 Plan? What kind of accommodations do they receive?
Christian has an IEP. he gets one-on-one reading support every day and he works with the Special Education teacher a few times a week. His classroom teacher is very supportive and gives him extra help and is more lenient with him. He is in a Social Skills group at school too. All that being said, we have still applied to a very highly specialized private school which deals directly with Language Arts disabilities. We do not yet know if Christian has been accepted and if he is, are not sure if we will send him there.
What else would you like to share with other parents on this similar journey?
Sometimes, after a particularly long and stressful day with Christian, I will creep into his room while he is sleeping and look at this sweet angel and I am brought back to the wonderful realization that this little boy is still my baby and a precious child and I need to keep him safe and be his ally and advocate. ADHD can wreak havoc on a marriage and on the other siblings. It's important to not let your husband or other children get lost in the shuffle as you try to navigate your way through your ADHD child's journey, but rather be united. I remember telling one of the doctors that I was so angry and resentful because Christian's ADHD was negatively impacting his sister's life and development and he reminded me that ADHD is an affliction. If, God forbid, our son was in a wheelchair, would we still be angry that his challenge affected our lifestyle? It's hard to remember that it really is somewhat of a disability because it doesn't present as such, but it truly is.
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