My 12 year old son was in a play Friday night (this incredible feat alone is a post for another day). To be helpful, my husband and I volunteered to videotape and edit the production. In preparation, I went through my computer and backed up a bunch of video files dating back about 5 years. 5 years ago, my son was in second grade. It was by FAR the worst year he has ever had in school - he had a red light teacher (you can read about red light teachers here), he was so anxious at school he was pouring glue on his hands and peeling it off, meds were a disaster, he was up at all hours of the night. I was in grad school at the time, and I remember that entire year being a nightmare for all of us. I was miserable a lot of the time, and I know he was miserable.Going through the clips of my then-8 year old son I found myself shedding buckets of tears. Not because he was so miserable in the clips, but because he was so HAPPY, so alive, so funny, so witty, so absolutely NOT what I remembered at that age. Here's what I found:
- A clip of him at a boy scout meeting calling to me, "MOM! MOM!! LOOK!!" He gave me his best "ARRRRGGG" and rolled a piece of paper up like a pirate's telescope.
- A clip of him at the same Scout meeting doing the "Augustus Gloop" dance from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory."
- A clip of my husband doing an impersonation of Sam Elliott from "The Big Lebowski." My son, sitting next to him, said, "The Dude abides," without missing a beat. The kid had never seen the movie, he'd just heard his dad say that from time to time.
- A clip of him scooping out a pumpkin to carve into a jack o'lantern, relishing in the fact that it is the one day of the year when I let him say "crap," in reference to the pumpkin guts.
- A clip of him and his sister doing the "Time Warp" at Halloween (they've never seen that movie either, and hopefully never will!).
- A clip of him doing an Irish Jig in the kitchen to the Chieftans' Christmas Album.
- A clip of him doing the same Irish Jig, one legged, on top of his sister's creepy life size, robotic pony, Butterscotch.
- A clip of him putting a box the size of his whole body over his head and spinning around in circles until none of us could breathe we were laughing so hard.
- A clip of him watching "School of Rock" holding an electric guitar.
I just couldn't believe how I had forgotten the good stuff. How could I have lost sight of how awesome he was at that age? It was like all the bad memories were soooo bad, I let the good ones slip away into a fuzzy file drawer in my brain. The weird thing is, his spirit is the same, but he is so different now. The same kid who did all that nutty stuff for the video camera channeled his energy on Friday night and put on a heck of a show. I think back then, when things were really dark, I lost hope for awhile that life would ever be different for him. I have hope today when I look at my son. Things are faaaarrrrr from perfect, but they're okay. I want you to get your hope back too, if you think you've lost it.
I know we recently did a thing on the {Mom's View of ADHD} Facebook page where we shared why we thought our kid was awesome. I urge each of you to get your video cameras out today and record your kid being awesome. Videotape every day moments. Not just birthday parties or school programs, but the times when your kids are being silly, when they're having an interesting conversation or when they're telling you how they did on their report card. Everyone says you can't look back at the past and that you have to move forward. I disagree. If you're actively recording memories of the good things, the good has a better chance of bubbling to the surface when you reflect back on what has happened to you.
We all have time periods where it's dark, difficult and scary. We feel weary from the toll that our lives can take on us. We NEED the good stuff to look back on, so we can find the hope that tells us everything really will be okay.
Kara Thompson is a Marriage and Family Therapist in Lenexa, Kansas. She strategically avoided being featured on any of the above mentioned video clips because she's always holding the camera. You can find Kara on her website at www.karathompson.com, on Facebook at www.facebook.com/karatherapy or on Twitter at www.twitter.com/karagthompson.