"The school morning routine is one of the most difficult areas for ADHD children," says Betsy Corrin, PhD, a child psychologist at Packard Children's Hospital and the Stanford University School of Medicine in the article, Minimize School Morning Mayhem for ADHD Children, on WebMD.com. "The morning is time-pressured and involves a lot of steps. And such stressful situations don't bring out the best in many ADHD kids or their parents" says Corrin.
So how do we get our kids out the door with our patience and sanity intact?
BEHAVIOR CHARTS: Your first inclination may be a behavior chart and reward system. That's likely what your therapist recommended and you've read it in many books on ADHD after all. But there's a huge disconnect here between what most ADHD experts tell us {to use lots of behavior charts} and what can be helpful for children with ADHD {charts are NOT effective for most of them because impulsivity prevents them from weighing consequences and rewards before acting}. However, a morning routine checklist is the one and only time I've ever been successful with a behavior chart with my nine-year-old son, Luke. {My low success rate is not due to a lack of trying.} I listed the items he needs to complete to be ready to leave for school in the mornings, even eating breakfast. I laminated it and put a paperclip on the side. The paperclip points to the item he's currently working on. So he carries the card with him and moves the clip down each time he completes a task (it's kind of like a game). Then, at the end it says, "If complete by 7:20 AM, you may play DS and earn one token." Now, the token system didn't work for us and we lost the checklist well over a year ago. If I recreated it today, he would be able to turn on the TV or play his iPod, both reward enough.
Visuals are crucial to a majority of kids with ADHD, especially if they suffer slow processing speed or poor working memory. Creating a visual morning checklist, one with a picture for each step, can be helpful for many kids with ADHD too. I think the PECS system would be most beneficial for this, with customizable and movable images. You place the separate images in order on the chart (PECS is velcro but you could make your own with felt or stick each to the wall with masking tape). As the child finishes a task, they remove the image for that task from the list and put it back into the unused pile. That step helps them see they are accomplishing tasks and how much is left until they are finished.
WAKE THEM GENTLY: Ripping off the covers and turning on all the lights will surely put anyone in a bad mood. This is not how you want to start off with a child with ADHD. Allow plenty of extra time for slow waking. If Luke is not up before me, I will try tickling him to wake up -- laughter is a good start to the day. Our dog also likes to jump up on the bed and nudge and lick him {and his sister}, which is very helpful. It's hard to sleep through dog slobber on your face.
Our therapist recommends setting their own alarm for at least 20 minutes before they have to get up. We tried this last year with Luke but he slept right through it. I have seen products that are supposed to help the toughest morning riser get out of bed -- clocks on wheels that you have to chase and daylight simulators that light the room slowly over time like the sun rising. Here too is an inexpensive idea from John Taylor, PhD, author of The Survival Guide for Kids With ADD or ADHD, Helping Your ADD Child, and From Defiance to Cooperation: "make the most of the alarm you’ve got by setting it on a metal pie pan with dimes in it and placing it just out of arm’s reach."
CREATE THE APPROPRIATE ENVIRONMENT: It's very important to control your child's environment during the morning to help them make a positive start to their day. First, don't allow them to watch television unless they are ready to walk out the door with time to spare. My son can't eat when the TV is on and he surely can't walk away to get dressed or brush his teeth. The TV is a big no-no, but music playing in the background could be helpful. As well, don't turn on a bunch of bright lights right away. Use soft lamps or indirect light to illuminate just as much as is necessary. Avoid fluorescent lights too, they are harsh and irritating to most kids with sensory issues and many kids with ADHD have sensory issues.
PREPARE THE NIGHT BEFORE: The less stress each morning the better -- do as much prep work as you can the night before: lay out clothing, place shoes by the door, pack their bookbag, choose what they'll eat for breakfast, even put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, all before going to bed the day before.
BE FLEXIBLE ABOUT BREAKFAST: It generally takes a lot more effort for a child with ADHD to make decisions. Planning what they'll eat for breakfast the night before may help, or they may just change their mind in the morning. If you can get your child to eat the same thing every morning it removes decision-making from the equation and makes breakfast easier for child and parent alike. Last year Luke {and his sister} drank a protein shake every morning in lieu of a traditional breakfast (he eventually grew tired of it). Even though making shakes every morning was a lot of effort, it was so much easier. And shakes are 100% portable if you're running late.
Any portable food is a good idea. If your child is ok with eating in the car {and you are ok with letting them eat in the car}, let them have breakfast there. At that point they are a captive audience and the car can be calming {it is for Luke}. You can feed them a nutritious breakfast in a portable format: protein shakes, yogurt smoothies, breakfast burrito, fruit, breakfast sandwich, protein bars, cheese, etc.
PROVIDE MOVEMENT TIME: Exercise is proven to be very helpful to those with ADHD. Allow your child 10 minutes to go outside and play or jump on a mini-trampoline or, as Luke does some mornings, run laps around the living room, before leaving for school. Or how about a morning dance party to inject energy and good spirits. Anything goes here as long as it's safe and it gets them moving.
REMAIN CALM: This is the #1 most important thing. Truly. You must remain calm at all times with a child with ADHD. This is a challenge for sure, one I am not completely successful with, but I try with all my might to remain calm. Yelling or threatening only escalates emotional reactions and causes more harm than good. Ask your child to stop for a moment and look you in the eye, then very calmly and softly tell them what you need them to do and what the consequence will be if they aren't on task. Don't be reactive, be proactive. Set a good example -- if you are anxious or angry, they will be too.
What does your morning routine look like? What helps your ADHD child prepare for the day with success?
Penny Williams is the creator and editor of {a mom's view of ADHD}. She is also a freelance writer, real estate broker, wife, and mother of two living in Asheville, N.C. She has published several pieces in ADDitude Magazine, the #1 national publication dedicated to ADHD, and has also been quoted in Parenting.com's Family Health Guide on ADHD and The High Desert Pulse article, When Ritalin Works. When not writing, she can usually be found behind a camera.
BEHAVIOR CHARTS: Your first inclination may be a behavior chart and reward system. That's likely what your therapist recommended and you've read it in many books on ADHD after all. But there's a huge disconnect here between what most ADHD experts tell us {to use lots of behavior charts} and what can be helpful for children with ADHD {charts are NOT effective for most of them because impulsivity prevents them from weighing consequences and rewards before acting}. However, a morning routine checklist is the one and only time I've ever been successful with a behavior chart with my nine-year-old son, Luke. {My low success rate is not due to a lack of trying.} I listed the items he needs to complete to be ready to leave for school in the mornings, even eating breakfast. I laminated it and put a paperclip on the side. The paperclip points to the item he's currently working on. So he carries the card with him and moves the clip down each time he completes a task (it's kind of like a game). Then, at the end it says, "If complete by 7:20 AM, you may play DS and earn one token." Now, the token system didn't work for us and we lost the checklist well over a year ago. If I recreated it today, he would be able to turn on the TV or play his iPod, both reward enough.
Visuals are crucial to a majority of kids with ADHD, especially if they suffer slow processing speed or poor working memory. Creating a visual morning checklist, one with a picture for each step, can be helpful for many kids with ADHD too. I think the PECS system would be most beneficial for this, with customizable and movable images. You place the separate images in order on the chart (PECS is velcro but you could make your own with felt or stick each to the wall with masking tape). As the child finishes a task, they remove the image for that task from the list and put it back into the unused pile. That step helps them see they are accomplishing tasks and how much is left until they are finished.
WAKE THEM GENTLY: Ripping off the covers and turning on all the lights will surely put anyone in a bad mood. This is not how you want to start off with a child with ADHD. Allow plenty of extra time for slow waking. If Luke is not up before me, I will try tickling him to wake up -- laughter is a good start to the day. Our dog also likes to jump up on the bed and nudge and lick him {and his sister}, which is very helpful. It's hard to sleep through dog slobber on your face.
Our therapist recommends setting their own alarm for at least 20 minutes before they have to get up. We tried this last year with Luke but he slept right through it. I have seen products that are supposed to help the toughest morning riser get out of bed -- clocks on wheels that you have to chase and daylight simulators that light the room slowly over time like the sun rising. Here too is an inexpensive idea from John Taylor, PhD, author of The Survival Guide for Kids With ADD or ADHD, Helping Your ADD Child, and From Defiance to Cooperation: "make the most of the alarm you’ve got by setting it on a metal pie pan with dimes in it and placing it just out of arm’s reach."
CREATE THE APPROPRIATE ENVIRONMENT: It's very important to control your child's environment during the morning to help them make a positive start to their day. First, don't allow them to watch television unless they are ready to walk out the door with time to spare. My son can't eat when the TV is on and he surely can't walk away to get dressed or brush his teeth. The TV is a big no-no, but music playing in the background could be helpful. As well, don't turn on a bunch of bright lights right away. Use soft lamps or indirect light to illuminate just as much as is necessary. Avoid fluorescent lights too, they are harsh and irritating to most kids with sensory issues and many kids with ADHD have sensory issues.
PREPARE THE NIGHT BEFORE: The less stress each morning the better -- do as much prep work as you can the night before: lay out clothing, place shoes by the door, pack their bookbag, choose what they'll eat for breakfast, even put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, all before going to bed the day before.
BE FLEXIBLE ABOUT BREAKFAST: It generally takes a lot more effort for a child with ADHD to make decisions. Planning what they'll eat for breakfast the night before may help, or they may just change their mind in the morning. If you can get your child to eat the same thing every morning it removes decision-making from the equation and makes breakfast easier for child and parent alike. Last year Luke {and his sister} drank a protein shake every morning in lieu of a traditional breakfast (he eventually grew tired of it). Even though making shakes every morning was a lot of effort, it was so much easier. And shakes are 100% portable if you're running late.
Any portable food is a good idea. If your child is ok with eating in the car {and you are ok with letting them eat in the car}, let them have breakfast there. At that point they are a captive audience and the car can be calming {it is for Luke}. You can feed them a nutritious breakfast in a portable format: protein shakes, yogurt smoothies, breakfast burrito, fruit, breakfast sandwich, protein bars, cheese, etc.
PROVIDE MOVEMENT TIME: Exercise is proven to be very helpful to those with ADHD. Allow your child 10 minutes to go outside and play or jump on a mini-trampoline or, as Luke does some mornings, run laps around the living room, before leaving for school. Or how about a morning dance party to inject energy and good spirits. Anything goes here as long as it's safe and it gets them moving.
REMAIN CALM: This is the #1 most important thing. Truly. You must remain calm at all times with a child with ADHD. This is a challenge for sure, one I am not completely successful with, but I try with all my might to remain calm. Yelling or threatening only escalates emotional reactions and causes more harm than good. Ask your child to stop for a moment and look you in the eye, then very calmly and softly tell them what you need them to do and what the consequence will be if they aren't on task. Don't be reactive, be proactive. Set a good example -- if you are anxious or angry, they will be too.
What does your morning routine look like? What helps your ADHD child prepare for the day with success?
Penny Williams is the creator and editor of {a mom's view of ADHD}. She is also a freelance writer, real estate broker, wife, and mother of two living in Asheville, N.C. She has published several pieces in ADDitude Magazine, the #1 national publication dedicated to ADHD, and has also been quoted in Parenting.com's Family Health Guide on ADHD and The High Desert Pulse article, When Ritalin Works. When not writing, she can usually be found behind a camera.